Mama Said, V.10

This week's mamas are offering up some amazing advice, and I feel like I took a LOT out of today's installment. I admire both of these mothers and I appreciate their raw honesty in approaching this feature, and I know you will too. I keep thinking about how helpful this would have been even before I become a mom and I thank you so much ladies for being a part of Mama Said- your advice is priceless. And readers, be sure to stop by both of their blogs- they're awesome!

Hi! Im Bekah from my little loves. and I am feeling elated about sharing some thoughts and lessons I have learned. I am married to the most handsome guy I know and have been a mother for 2 years now.

Our daughter, Oceana Mercy, is brillant! She is vibrant, alert, smart and sassy. Very sassy. My lover is a full-time student at Auburn University, majoring in Philosophy of Religion. A new little addition, Luna Celeste, is being added in August :) We are all so excited! We love traveling, cooking yummy meals, going on long walks, being outside and lazy Sundays.

So here are my little trinkets from past lessons learned:

1. Being a mom does not define you, you define what it means to be a mom.

A sweet, sweet friend of mine shared this wisdom one day and it struck me like a lightning bolt.

I have been very unconventional in everything I have done from the beginning(at least in the south); became a mother at 18, co-sleep, advocate for home/water birth, baby wearing, breastfeeding, wooden toys only, organic homemade baby food, not making Ocean to cry-it-out, nose ring, not religious and definitely not looking like a traditional mom in the least. I get dirty looks all the time. Despite being so against the mainstream ideas, I became aware of this notion that when you became a Mom you started to live vicariously through your children. You stopped taking care of yourself, you lot the individual you had been, you didn't work, you certainly did not go to bars and drink. No, your life is now consumed by your child...and if its not, you certainly must be a bad mom. I had to challenge that. I went to bars to see my friends bands, I danced, I thought about where my next piercing would be. I admire tattoos and dreads and wonder if they are in my future...There is nothing about me that screams mom, but thats okay, because I am redefining what it means to be a mom and I encourage you to do the same. :)

2. Rethink Discipline

So much of our culture is a culture of unconsciousness, we all pretty much do the same thing but we don't think about why or whether its actually good. One of these areas is discipline. It's taken me awhile to approach discipline from where I do now, it really does take a lot of rethinking to evaluate whether what you are doing is truly commendable. I knew from the beginning that spanking was out but I didn't realize how much deeper than that it goes. We have a culture in which a "good"child is not one who is morally conscious, kind and considerate, it is a child who is quiet, sits still and doesn't bother adults. Who doesn't get angry, cry and speak their mind. Is that really a "good" child or one who has been repressed? I learned to think about discipline in the positive, not so much a consequence but a teaching moment. When Ocean gets mad and throws a fit I don't yell and scream, but instead teach her ways to express her anger positively. When Mama is yelling and screaming, baby is learning to do the same. I wish I had adopting this way of thinking earlier instead of having what I thought was a power struggle...I know recognize my child is just expressing the same anger, hurt or disappointment I would except that she hasn't learned a better way of doing so. Our relationship has improved since I have taken steps to change the way I think and deal with each "teaching moment" as it comes up. I recommend Alfie Kohn or Dr. Sears Discipline Book for further reading.

3. Find out your mothering style.

For the first couple of months of motherhood I really struggled with the fact that I wasn't as happy being with my baby 24/7 like I thought I would be. I was very depressed and spent many days crying.

I finally got a part-time job and after a couple of weeks was back to my normal self. I couldn't believe it was as simple as that until I discovered my personality and read my mothering style. I had taken the Myers-Briggs test and found that I am a ESTJ (extraverted, sensing, thinking, judging)

and my mothering style informed me that:

"The ESTJ mother needs opportunities to feel competent separate from the job of mothering. Getting feedback for her ability to manage projects—both paid and volunteer—can provide objective measures of her competence."

Aha! I really wish I had discovered this sooner, it provided so much insight and I stopped feeling like a incompetent mother. Seriously- this puts things into a clear perspective and you start realizing thats its true, every mother, mothers differently, and that is normal and just fine. To find your mothering style first discover your Myers-Briggs type (you can google that test)

and then go here to read about your mothering type!

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Blog: jenni from the blog

Starring: Bob, Jenni, Carter {2 years} and Brynn {8 months}

About me: I'm a Philly sports lovin', wine drinkin', hard workin' wife and mama of 2. I started blogging as a way to document my first pregnancy and along the way I've met some amazing people. Now?  Now I use my blog as a way to remember what the hell I did yesterday.

Advice:

I write this post as I sit in a dark room. I have a sleeping husband and two sleeping babies, all of which I can hear snoring.  And as I sit here, I have with me a very large glass of wine. And The Bachelor.  Yes, I said it... I'm watching The Bachelor and drinking all by my lonesome.  And I love it.  I love the quiet.  I love the "me time"... because it sure is hard to come by these days.  So my first piece of advice is this.... find your "me time." You need it, if only for your sanity as a mother and wife, and your ability to string two coherent sentences together as a person.

I think the next important thing to remember is that we don't know it all. But what we do know is what's best for our children.  What's best for our families. And what's best for ourselves.  As mothers we need to make decisions.  Life changing decisions.  Do I continue my career or stay at home with the baby? Do I breastfeed or formula feed? Do I cloth diaper? Babywear? Co-sleep? Follow an alternative vaccination schedule? Etc. Etc. Etc. And people throw their opinions at you.  Boy do they ever.  But you need to do what's best for you and your family. Whether it worked for your mother, your best friend, or your cousin's neighbor's dog... it doesn't matter.  You need to do what's best for you. Mother's intuition?  It's real.

Lastly, if you ever want to eat, go to the bathroom, or... ya know, shower {which isn't as much of a priority as it used to be} for the love of God buy a Jumperoo.

Mama Said, V.9

This week I am featuring two fabulous ladies, my real-life pal Anita, and an blogging gal pal, Rachael. Both of these ladies are mamas who I admire, and they are here offering up AMAZING advice. Like really awesome. In fact, I think this may be one of my favorite Mama Saids yet (don't I say that every week?).  I know you will all love this great read, so sit back and enjoy! And thanks again ladies, for participating.

Hello, my name is Anita and my family of 3 (plus 2 doggies) live in historic Downtown Phoenix, AZ. We are a pretty boring, low-key bunch who love music and hanging out with family and we also have a photoblog for our daughter, Lola Birdie (www.lolabirdie.com) who was born on October 27, 2009 weighing almost 10 pounds! Lola Birdie is our first (and probably last) kid and honestly, I never thought I would have kids, but along came LB. My husband was in a touring band (www.theformat.com) for half of our relationship, and it wasn't until he quit and started a band merch/graphic design/music licensing company (www.hellomerch.com) here in Phoenix, that we even thought about starting a family.

Being a mother was totally new to me! Lola Birdie was the third or fourth baby that I have ever held in my whole life. Her diaper was the first diaper I ever changed, other than my cabbage patch kids. Being around a newborn was ALL foreign to me. I knew NOTHING about kids. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately started researching pregnancy and babies online. I joined a fun online community (www.thebump.com) and watched WAY too many baby shows on TLC. 

Luckily, I got through my pregnancy with flying colors and Lola's birth was a super quick, natural labor. I am also proud to say I am still a breastfeeding mother, 16 months later, and I have become quite an advocate for it! 

That being said, here is a few things I have learned in my 16 months of being a mother:

1 - Breastfeeding is awesome, even if your mother thinks its super weird..... - I remember growing up, my mother, who is now one of my best friends too, always said how gross and weird she thought breastfeeding was. I was a formula fed baby. I remember thinking how I would NEVER ever do that. It's super weird...until, years and years later, my sister-in-law, Katie, was studying to be an RN at ASU College of Nursing and she would always come to me with bits of information like "Anita, if you ever plan on getting pregnant, you should start taking Folic Acid" and then she told me how important breastfeeding is and then she told me, " Anita, there are only 2 ways to lose fat cells from your body.....liposuction and breastfeeding". Wow, you mean, if I gain 100 pounds having a baby, it could all go away with breastfeeding??? After that, I started researching breastfeeding and found so so many good things about it. So I made my mind up, "I will just breastfeed for 6 months, that's what they say is the minimum a Mother should breastfeed." I remember doing it for the first time in front of my mother and her saying, "It isn't weird when it's your daughter and granddaughter doing it." What a relief!! I was so worried my mom would be weird about it. But her and my father were very supportive of it. Six months came along and I thought, "This is going so well, I can just do this for 6 more months...". On Lola's 1st birthday, I remember thinking, "Flu season is coming, I'll just keep breastfeeding until March." So, that being said, I guess we will just keep going until we think its time to stop!

2 - All kids are different, and they hit milestones at their OWN pace - I have a few friends with kids that I see on a weekly basis. One of the friends has a baby that is about 2 weeks younger than Lola. Since birth, I have been comparing her and Lola. I remember when my friends daughter rolled over before Lola and I thought, what is wrong with Lola? Why hasn't she rolled over yet? I remember when Lola started teething at 3 months old and my friends daughter wasn't, I thought that Lola was a freak and something was wrong with her. Then when it came time to crawl, my friends daughter started crawling literally a month before Lola. After months and months of comparing, I realized that all babies are different and when some are walking, others are talking and when some are sleeping through the night, others are waking up 2-3 times. I quickly learned to never compare children, they will do everything at their own pace.

3 - Take lots of pictures, and videos...I mean LOTS, even start a website or blog for friends and family to see - My husband and I try to take at least one picture of Lola everyday. I love to remember what she wore that day or what she did that day, or the new word she said or the new puzzle she learned how to put together that day. It is so great to know that I can go back to a picture we posted and remember that exact point in our lives. Plus, at least once a month I go to www.lolabirdie.com and look through them from start to present day. I watch videos I have saved on my computer of her first few minutes on earth. I can't get enough of it. I still can't believe that this person I have today was that person just a year ago. Kids change literally EVERY day. I love that I can go back to a video and hear Lola laugh for the first time, or stand up for the first time, or eat her first bite of food. I am so happy that we live in a time where a camera or video camera is so easily accessible. I also love that we have a website that we can post pictures of Lola on it daily that all of our friends and family can see. I hope that everyone enjoys her website as much as we do and I hope that one day Lola will appreciate it too. I know I wish that I had daily pictures of my life growing up.

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I'm Rachael! Registered nurse & wife to a handsome musician.
Stepmonster to two beautiful boys, ages 10 & 8. Momma to a lil' blue-eyed boyfriend, age 1.
And the newest development...Knocked up with a set of twin girls, due in April!
Follow along at www.letterstoames.com!

THREE TIDBITS OF WISDOM I'VE PICKED UP ALONG THE WAY:

They'll still be crying when you get there. I wasn't sure how I felt about my friend's words when I was pregnant. I'm pretty supportive of attachment parenting, and this felt like letting my tiny new baby cry it out! Now I totally get it. Whether he's in a crib or someone else's arms, newborn or toddler, sometimes my baby just needs mama or daddy. It's one of the special perks of being a parent - being able to comfort our offspring. It's an honor & a responsibility to tend to those cries (or screams), but it is possible to sacrifice one's own sanity in the process. In the fifteen months following my son's birth, I've learned to pause. Sometimes, I take deep breaths before picking him up off the floor when the fussing starts. Sometimes, I finish my conversation with my husband before getting the boy up from his nap. Sometimes, I let him bang on the table with his food-covered hands and enjoy a few bites of my own before getting him what he wants. This is coming from the mama who almost went into premature labor the other night, hauling my butt up the stairs after hearing the toddler fussing in the bathtub. Turns out, his big brother was pulling him out to dry him off. It's all about baby steps! But I'm learning to stay laid-back and not sweat the small stuff. It makes me appreciate my son (and my role as a mother) so much more!

They're not going to hurt your child. Chances are, they love your kids more than they love you. A doctor and I discussed the "in-laws phenomenon" the other day at work, after she mentioned how jealous she was that both sets of our parents are nearby. There's something about motherhood that turns us nice girls into defensive psychos. I've never had an altercation with my mother-in-law, as I tend to keep the yucky stuff in my heart (bad idea). But I have held onto things and been sensitive to her comments and opinions. There have been quite a few awkward conversations where I have to explain why I'm not giving my child Tylenol for a temperature of 99.9, or why I'm not supplementing with formula just because he's small for age. But I've learned to pick my battles. A few months back, she gave the boy a bottle of apple juice instead of the breastmilk we'd packed. Apparently, she couldn't find it in the fridge where my husband had left it. I couldn't help but laugh. It was something I'd never do, but it surely wasn't gonna kill him. She wasn't trying to spite me. She was trying to help. And since realizing that and letting go of my control, I've enjoyed my relationship with her on a whole new level.

It's not 50/50. It's 100/100. This piece of advice came weeks after my husband and I married, which turned out to be weeks before we conceived our son. I crashed into a scary, numb phase after the wedding. We looked to a couple at church for guidance, and I will never forget the wisdom they shared. People always talk about the give-and-take of marriage, and how couples have to meet in the middle. But it's not always like that. Sometimes, it's one person giving and the other taking. Sometimes, one has to cross the line and pick the other up, and drag them back. Parenthood only magnifies this concept. There are days when I feel like I can't contribute a lick to the family. I'm worn out and discouraged, and my husband senses it and picks up the slack. Other days, he feels gross and spends most of the day in his pajamas on the couch. Changing one diaper or making the bed might be the extent of his day's efforts. And I carry him along, until the sun goes down. It's what you do when you commit to sharing a life with someone - sharing ALL of it, the good and the bad. It's 100%, both of you, every day. That way, if someone comes up short, the other has plenty to give.

Mama Said, V.8

I can't believe this is the 8th week of Mama Said posts! It feels like I just started doing these. I have another month of advice to share with all of you, and then it's on to something new! But this week is really something special. Two of my favorite blogging ladies are here to share bits of wisdom from their everyday life. The first fabulous mama is one of the very first blogging friends I made, Jamie! Jamie is beautiful, has a heart of gold, and always leaves me feeling happy and inspired. Definitely hop over to her blog and say hello when you get a moment. The second is one of my dear friends, Erin. Erin is someone really special to me and she's been there for me through a lot, including my emergency c-section, a procedure that we both ended up having after planning for a natural birth. She'll talk more about that below. Erin is a beautiful free-spirit, a dream-follower, and one of the kindest souls you could meet in this big, old internet world. I feel lucky to call her my friend.

So, have a great Wednesday, and enjoy this 8th installment of Mama Said!

Hi, Sometimes Sweet Readers! I'm Jamie and I blog over at Inspired Mess (http://inspiredmess.blogspot.com). I'm honored to visit Sometimes Sweet and give my "wisdom" to other mamas out there. I've been married to my husband Brian for 8 years (we met online) and when we met, we each had a son that was 2 years old. Now we have a "his", "hers" and "ours".  Zachary is my stepson and he's 11 (almost 12). Brennon is my son from a previous relationship and he will be 11 next month. (They're 9 months apart.) Then we had Grayson together and he just turned 6 years old. Needless to say, when they're all home, our house is all sorts of crazy. Life with all boys has turned out to be quite an adventure but I wouldn't have it any other way!

I was thinking of what three things I would tell my close friend about becoming a mother and after thinking about it, my only question was "only 3???". There's so much I could share but I narrowed it down to my top three things I would tell her (and you!)...

1. It will change your life forever. I know people say that all the time. So much, that it's become somewhat a flippant remark but it's so true. The quote about "Having a child is forever having your heart walking outside your body." is fact. Your heart experiences this different kind of love that is so enormous you feel that your heart will explode. It never goes away - it only grows. You will always worry about everything from whether the baby is growing properly to what kind of juice, if any, you should give your child to whether or not you're making the right life choices. Do not go in to having a child thinking everything will stay the same and you'll just this extra little person with you. You must take your child into consideration with every decision you make from that point forward. But it will all be totally worth it.

2. You can never love too much. Never too many hugs, kisses, "I love you's". Do not get so caught up in your life that you forget to cherish the little moments. I don't say this lightly: Even though I am sure you'll hear it a bazillion times... Time flies by so fast. These moments will be gone before you know it. Take the time....to read bedtime stories, to play games, to go for a walk and look at the birds and trees, to teach, to have fun and laugh. I'm telling you this with all my heart. Cherish these moments. It is these little acts that will shape and mold your child and his or her character. This is what they will remember. Make sure your children know they can do anything and be anything they set their mind to. Help them learn to dream big and then teach them how to do it.

I have a sign hanging in our living room that I made that says, "Pardon the mess. Our boys are busy making memories." Sometimes you just have to let it go. Leave the laundry, dishes and mess and focus on your children. It's always worth it.

3. Now I want to talk to my friends who are dating/engaged to somebody who already has children. Becoming a stepmother...When you have a child and your husband has a child (or one or the other), remember that you each have your way of parenting and that has already been established with the child. Talk! Communication is so important before any problems start. Discuss how you will discipline and raise your children. Don't assume that you both agree. I know, it seems obvious that you would talk about something like that but it doesn't always happen. I will tell you this, mom to mom...it will be difficult. You may even cry at times. You will feel like you don't know what to do. You're not alone. Be patient and always try your best. It will get easier....and it will be worth it.

Since I've used up my 3, I need to add a *bonus*. As somebody who has lived with the a**hole known as depression, be aware of your body and your feelings after you have your baby. I lived with undiagnosed postpartum that progressed for nearly 3 years without treatment. My marriage was almost destroyed. I almost lost everything that was important to me. Know the signs and don't be ashamed to ask for help. Did you read that? Do not be ashamed to ask for help. You're not alone and it is nothing to be ashamed about. There's a long list of symptoms but if you have difficulty bonding with your baby, caring for your baby or thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, please, please, please tell somebody.

I'm sure there's many more things I would share but those are the top ones that came to mind. It's the most rewarding and important thing I have ever done. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.

 Hi there, my name is Erin of Happy Owl! I am a 32 year old first grade teacher and lifetime CA girl. But almost 4 years ago my husband Mike and I decided to live our dreams in Juneau, Alaska! We have a wonderful life that we celebrate daily with our two sons Noah, 5 and Logan 2. Being a working, wild, busy mom I was so excited to give some advice and read about tons more!!!

I found this tip to be really helpful, especially with having a blog and friends in the blog world. When you have a bad day, feel overwhelmed, exhausted, etc. Share your day with a close friend, blog friend,  or family member who is also a parent. They will for sure have a worse day, funny story or something that will make you feel like you are not alone in the world.

Yes, your laundry is never done, legos or barbies shoes or baby rattles HAVE taken over every square inch of your home, and every once in awhile you count down the minutes until it's bedtime. But nevertheless, cherish every moment you have with your wee ones. In the chaos of the day you forget how really blessed you are to be a parent. Especially when others around you are not so lucky.

And last...don't feel bad if your plan for perfect baby didn't go into fruition. we wanted cloth diapers, we wanted to stop breast feeding earlier, we were unsure about co-sleeping, we wanted to make all my own baby food, not let my kids watch t.v.,  I wanted a more natural birth and I had an emergency c-section, etc. Life happens and sometimes EVEN if it works perfectly for someone else and they make it sound so easy, it simply might not be right for you. And the bottom line is that's ok! The most important thing is you have a beautiful child (or children) to raise and love and cherish!

Now go play with your kiddos :)

xo- erin

Mama Said, V.7

This week is one of my most favorite "Mama Said" posts yet. Both Jess and Katie are two of my very favorite mamas, and it's so neat to feature them here at the same time! Each of these ladies offers something very different, and I'm very excited to share this with all of you. Enjoy!

Hey there lovelies! My name is Jess and I'm the sweetheart of my amazing husband Sam and the mommy of our little mister, Forest Káel who is 5 months old. In my non-mommy moments I am an artist, scribbler of thoughts and designs. I have a passion for living and loving every moment it. My man is a cinematographer and musician which means our home is a creative buzz most of the time. Our little boy has opened up a whole new world of a crazy kinda of love into our hearts that has changed us for life. It's rather fabulous.

I'm super excited about these series of posts Dani has started up and was so tickled to be a part of the heart sharing.

Mommy Thought #1: Give Me Some Love

I remember right after I had my son, I was tired, I was worried about doing everything "right" and the way I had laid out in my mind while I was prego. At the moment I was stressing about something and my mom called me. I was ranting and raving about something that wasn't going exactly as I had thought it would, freaking out that I wasn't being the perfect hippie mom that I had planned on being. In her soothing voice she said, "Babe, the thing that your baby needs and wants most from you than anything right now is your love." For some reason that simple fact has helped me more than anything. In the middle of my meltdowns that happen to all moms at some point or another, I realized that I am always doing the most important thing right, loving my baby. Yeah, I might have to supplement with formula because my milk supply won't go up or I might use huggies diapers instead of cloth like I had planned. But, it's ok. He needs my love more than anything and that is a big smiley face sticker of awesomeness to put on my mommy chart of accomplishments.

Mommy Thought #2: Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

There it was, that precious milk I had spent 45 min, pumping... a mere 4 oz...my son's next feeding...soaking into my brown carpet. I was in tears, heaving sobs because I didn't have any more milk to pump. The drama of the moment was serious then but humorous now. haha Oh dear Jess, it's going to be ok.

Boobs. Yes, all of us ladies have them. All shapes and all sizes. If you're a mom, going to become a mom or wanting to be a mom, you'll find that they become an increasingly common subject in your daily conversation. Oh lordy, then there's (shhh, I better whisper it) nipples. Did you know there are more than one type?  Eeek! Yes, I said it. You'd be surprised but those little suckers, that before were just assets to your lovely figure can become the main source of sweet wonder, terrible heart ache or confusing stress. One friend said, It's amazing how easily you say the words boob and nipple once you've had a kid. You say it without even thinking. Sam and I would laugh at that fact because it was and is so true. 

 As curious as it is, breast feeding is amazing but I have to say one of the hardest things I've done. Some girls have a breeze of time with it, which is AWESOME and so encouraging. But, for others it can be rough. I had some funky info that it's not supposed to hurt at all when you first start. (All my mom friends tell me, and now I you...that if your boobs are the kind that hurt and/or are tender when you start feeding-stick it out for 2 or 3 weeks and it will be smooth sailing from then on out.)  My boy had a perfect latch but because I had some weird boob issues it hurt like heck. I ended up pumping because I thought the pain would last forever and I needed a break. I started up again a few weeks later with the use of a nipple shield and it was fine and eventually felt pleasant. But, by that point my milk couldn't keep up with my boy's tummy needs. And, you're not a bad mommy if you need to supplement with formula, that's good for him/her too. I ended up using Earth's Best Organic Formula to supplement so I could enjoy my baby because I was dreading him waking up because I didn't have enough milk to give him. That was a biggie for me to get over. There are SO many pressures and expectations that are placed on mom's and ones we put on ourselves, bringing so much guilt when those expectations aren't met. No guilt momma. Do what you think is best and be confident because you're amazing.

Mommy Thought #3: Fave product

My last suggestion and thought for the day is going to be a simple treasure that I will get for everyone of my new mommy friends forever and a day. Aden and Anais swaddling blankets. I'm CRAZY about them! They are large, light, and gauzy making them great for SO many uses.Car seat covers, burp cloths, play blanket, pretend fort and swaddle. One of my girlfriends even knotted one of them up and used it for a temporary sling out by the pool. Ours have ended up being our sons favorite thing to play with. He loves the patterns on them and the fact that they are light weight makes it easy and fun for him to pull over his head and play. You can get them at Target and most baby supply stores. They are definitely a MUST and fav on my baby list.

Enjoy your mommy-ness ladies. It can be hard, but your baby is the most freaking awesome and beautiful thing you will ever experience.

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Hello, Sometimes Sweet readers!  My name is Katie and I run a little blog and shop called Skunkboy Creatures.  When I'm not spending my time sewing up critters, I'm busy playing with my 8 year old daughter Hope, or feeding and cuddling my newborn daughter Poesy.  My husband's name is Johnny and he is the best daddy and the biggest help ever!  We started homeschooling Hope this year, and between having a newborn around, working for myself, and doing school with her everyday, I wouldn't make it without him. 

1.  Set boundaries. More than anything else, I'm constantly being complimented on how well-behaved Hope is.  We don't live in a particularly strict household, but we do have a few firm rules that have seemed to help Hope develop into a great listener and respectful little girl.  Hopefully Poesy will follow in her big sister's footsteps!

2.  As your child grows, help feed their individuality. As your child shows interest in a particular area, allow them to explore it!  If your little one likes books, make sure to take a library trip once a week.  If your kiddo loves doing art, having ample supplies around the house is important.  Hope has always liked pretty dresses, so we started letting her pick her own clothes at the ripe age of 3.  No matter how crazy the outfit was, we let her wear it!  Now she's quite the stylish and eclectic little gal.

3.  Take care of yourself. When we had our first sweet baby, Johnny and I NEVER left her.  Heck, we hardly ever left the house.  I went through some pretty major postpartum depression, and I attribute a lot of it to never taking a break or treating myself.  I felt guilty when I would think about doing something without my child, almost like I was being a bad mother.  We've taken a different approach with our newest addition, and now make time for "us".  Weekly dates are a must for us, even if it's just driving the car out to a pretty place or sitting at a Starbucks and chatting.  Poesy is 4 weeks old now, and beyond the first couple of weeks of crazy hormones, there really hasn't been any sadness.  It's GOOD to love and take care of yourself, too!

Mama Said, V.6

This week our Mama Said advice comes from two of my most favorite ladies on the internet, both of which are no stranger to being featured on this blog. The first, Jess, is pretty much one of my favorite people in the entire world, internet or not. Her blog is an honest place, full of funny stories, moments from her daily life, and adorable photos of her family. Jess is the wife of a touring musician, so she often plays the role of both parents while her husband is out with his successful band. She's a great friend with a heart of gold, and she also happens to be one of the funniest women I've ever encountered. The second featured lady today is Megan, another long time friend and a mama who holds a really special place in my heart. Megan is a military wife, and she is the mother to a darling little girl. Megan's blog is another one of my favorites, and I've so enjoyed reading along with her as she shares everything from delicious recipes to advice on whole living and healthy choices. She's a young Mom with an old soul, and I am constantly inspired by her creativity and drive to better her little corner of the world.

I'm excited to have both of these gals on Sometimes Sweet today, so without any more of my rambling (except to say that I love how they both ended on the same note! hah!), here's Jess!

Hey ya'll, it's me Jess, from The Doe Or The Deer. If I am new to you, here's a little bit of my mommyhood history. I am a mother two polar opposite personality children, who are only 18 months apart in age. You could say the hubs and I got right on that baby making train quickly.

 Zoe, 2 years old, is feisty, outgoing and smack dab in the middle of an emotional roller coaster of tears, laughter and full blown, face on the ground tantrums, also known as the "terrible twos". Ezra, 11 months old, is a dorky, goofball of a baby blob, who snorts with laughter and has mastered the art of flipping out of his crib.  Both kids are equally awesome.

I'm amazed that Danielle even thinks to ask me to guest post here on Sometimes Sweet still, considering I am the worst procrastinating guest blogger in the whole wide world of blogging! She still loves me... Phew!

So, here is what THIS mama says about parenting. Tread carefully....

Take my advice; don't give any.
I don't care if you have 1 baby or your last name is Dugger. Don't do it! Unless the mother-to-be is on her hands and knees begging for it, with a signed waver saying that she asked for it and you hold no personal responsibility for her stabbing you in the face, then go ahead, open your big ol' opinionated mouth.

Advice tends to lead into guilt. Like us mothers don't carry enough guilt of own!?! We get these bitches, er, I mean "friends", in our life telling us we birthed wrong, because we had a baby in a hospital delivered by "evil" doctors, or that we didn't try hard enough, because we didn't breast feed for 3 years, or that we have to get our son circumcised, because it will look weird, or we're fucking up the Earth, because we chose to use disposable diapers, or that we are Satan, because we let our kid eat a chicken nugget or even worse, SENT OUR KIDS TO PUBLIC SCHOOL. The horror!  (And yes, I've been told ALL these things. Bitter still? YES.) All of which, we NEVER asked for to begin with! Just shut your mouth and nod your head. Then go straight home and blog passive aggressively about your opinions on other peoples parenting styles, like I do...

Don't watch Dr. Phil.
Or Maury or 16 & Pregnant.... Unless you want to reconsider having children (especially daughters) all together.

Wine is a gateway drug to more babies.
It's true. Drink responsibly and preferably with an IUD in place.

Hi, I'm Megan, from meganislove.tumblr.com! Some of you may know me from the other features Danielle has included me on.

I'm so thankful to be here again, talking about my MOST favorite thing...motherhood!

To sum us up; I'd say....we're a Military, attachment parenting, raw eating, outdoor lovin' family! My two year old, Scarlett, is still currently breastfeeding, co-sleeping, the whole sha-bang! She also loves all things princess and raising havoc! ;)

 

When Danielle asked me to do this, I kept thinking over and over, of all the pieces of advice I've gotten. I'm a people-pleaser at heart, I love making everyone (but myself --by mistake!) happy. I often took every piece of advice someone gave me, and thought it was the right thing to do. Many o' nights, I'd lie awake..thinking of how unsatisfied I felt as a mother; "guilty", "wrong," "confused," were what ran across my mind. So now being able to share my OWN advice with you, well - I was MORE than a little nervous.

After the countless books, and words from friends, I still never felt like I knew what I "should" be doing. I went to find ANOTHER book to help me solve my problems, AGAIN (out of desperation) and came across "I Was a Really Good Mom before I Had Kids," thought it'd be a funny read, and it ended up being my lifesaver.

It didn't "teach" me how to parent, but helped me understand that I wasn't "alone" in this craziness called "motherhood." So, I give you -- the best things I learned in this book :D

 

"You can have it all! Just not at once" The amount of expectations I had for myself, my family and Scarlett - were endless. I thought there was a certain "way" I had to be.. "She should be sleeping in her bed by this time, she should be eating these foods, playing with these toys...talking by this time..walking by..." the list goes on. I'm sure you've all felt the same way at one point or another! "Realize that expectations can influence your choices." Friends, family- even though they mean well, sometimes steer you in a different direction you may want to go in, parenting wise. Just stick to your core principles and values, and after making your choice- make it a rule not to second guess yourself.

"Oh my god, I don't want to color right now" (Living in the moment!) I know there's many times where I'm stressing about what's for dinner, if the laundry's done, house is clean, if Scarlett is getting enough one-on-one time, versus independent play. I have a hard time, living in the "moment" in general! I'm a planner, I love thinking of what is ...next! Enjoying Scarlett, just being, is something that I try to work on, daily. Just remember, don't fight the stage you're in. If it's a challenging phase, know that it will pass quickly. If you're in a blissful phase, cherish it, because it will also pass quickly.  

"Am I a bad mom if I don't buy organic spaghettios?" (lose the judgement) I know we all judge, (don't lie! - you do it too!) ;) we ALL do! We all think there's this idea of a what a "good" mother is. I'm not going to lie- I had a really hard time with this, especially since we do things A LOT differently than most parents. At playgroups, I would try not to stare when I saw a mother giving their child something I'd NEVER in a million years give Scarlett. BUT! you know what! I learned that what works for me, definitely wouldn't work for another mother and vice versa. Co-sleeping works for us, but I know a family whose son HATES sleeping with his parents and would much rather be in his own room, lights out, door shut. Again- something I'm totally not used to, but that doesn't make her a bad mother. We're all different, our kids are all different, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to parenting. Surround yourself with a positive support system whether it be real life friends or blogging ones :D and stick with 'em!

 And when all else fails, there's always wine!

Mama Said, V.5

Welcome the fifth edition of "Mama Said." Today I am pleased to present a couple of amazing ladies and more awesome advice and words of wisdom. The first mama this week is the wonderful Rachel Denbow. Rachel is one of my favorite people, and has always been such a kind and caring friend. She gave me lots of support throughout my pregnancy and has always been an inspiration to me. She's one of those seasoned Moms a lot of other Moms look to, and I am beyond excited that she agreed to share some of her wisdom here. The second fabulous mama this week is Erin, who is one of my dearest friends, and someone who has been in my life since the "old days" of college at NAU. Erin and I met back in the year 2000 and were instant friends, and ended up rushing the same sorority (Pi Beta Phi). Over the past eleven years we've gone on countless girls' trips together, been through all of life's milestones side by side, and even got pregnant just months apart. She's one of the best girls I know, and I'm so pleased to call her a lifetime friend and sister. Thanks to both of these pretty mothers for being a part of Mama Said this week! And now first up, Rachel!

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I'm Rachel from Smile and Wave and I'm so happy to have been invited to share a little bit of what I've learned from almost five years of motherhood over here on Sometimes Sweet! Our family currently includes one dashing husband that rides a Vespa and is working on his Masters in Counseling while serving in the R.O.T.C. and the Reserves, one high-energy four and a half year old boy named Sebastian, and a surprisingly fast one year old little girl named Ruby. We love spending time together taking family adventures, having Transformers wars, and making messes in general.  I'm a work at home mama that splits time between blogging about vintage finds, DIY projects, and life as a mama as well as writing e-courses, and designing and creating product for sale at RedVelvetArt.com.  We currently live in Springfield, MO which is known for it's fantastic flea markets and some sort of special take on Cashew Chicken!

There has been some great advice already offered up already that had me nodding my head in agreement.  Here are a few more little nuggets that have been learned from trenches. Pardon my terminology. ;)

1. The transition from pregnant to babe in arms with your first child is the most beautiful and most challenging kind. I remember after one month of sleep deprivation wishing I could just feel like my old self again, go out on a relaxing movie/dinner date night, and not have to schedule my life around nap times and feedings. Then after three months of sleep deprivation I remember feeling like I was finally figuring out the tricks to making it to a dr.'s appointment on time, how to enjoy movies at home instead, and a sense of confidence in who I was becoming as a mother. Having the responsibility of around the clock care for a needy little baby, regardless of how much help you have, can be the most overwhelming feeling at times but suddenly I had become this more giving, patient person. It's part of the gift of motherhood, I think.

Now, some of that wears off at around 18 months...haha, no really. This leads me to my second piece of advice.

2. You will feel like you've got it all finally figured out and then suddenly they pull a fast one on you. They move into another developmental stage and are no longer sleeping as well or start challenging your authority and it's all you can do to not want to throw in the towel, at least just for the night, in order to regain some sense of sanity. Being honest about your feelings with people that care about you and understand the wide range of emotions you will naturally feel can be so important to working through the more challenging times. Even if it's an online mama who's been there before, having some support can make all the difference and make you feel less crazy.

3. Lastly, making time for yourself to enjoy whatever you enjoyed before you were a mother will help you in a myriad of ways. Whether it's spending time with your favorite girlfriends, carving out time to create in your studio, or making sure you can still get through a book (or more) a month, you'll feel more grounded as your identity shifts a little into this new role.  It'll benefit everyone around you when you give yourself some time to be renewed.

Hello everyone :) My name is Erin and I recently had the privilege of becoming a mother at the beginning of September to a beautiful boy named Kyler. My husband and I will be married 5 years this coming March and are thoroughly enjoying all that being parents have to offer. It definitely is much harder than I anticipated but to balance it out, the rewards and love are deeper than one could imagine. Jeff is an amazing father and has truly embraced his role. There is nothing more amazing than watching your husband play and care for the baby. Our family began with our two dogs Riley and London. We are amazed how well they have adapted to everything and we like to say they welcomed the changes with open paws. :) London (being the baby of the family before Kyler came) especially surprised us. We anticipated her being upset and unsure with the baby, however she is quite the opposite. When Kyler was a newborn, London would wake up with me when I needed to nurse him several times a night. She would sit right next to me on the couch and then when Kyler was done eating, she would walk with me into his room and "help" me put him back to bed. London did this every 2-3 hours with me for weeks. It was incredibly sweet. These days she stays snuggled in her bed instead if I have to get up, but for those weeks, she was right there with me. I still find it to be pretty amazing. Riley is our other furry friend. She has remained the loyal and protective girl she always was and always has her eye on Kyler to make sure he is ok. It has been so much fun to watch the dogs react the Kylers laughs and squeals. The girls get so excited.

As for advice, there are so many things I would already do differently and also some thing I would keep exactly the same. It's such an incredible learning process.

1. Don't use the baby books as a "how-to," use them more so as a guide. I was one of these moms that read several books about how do all these things for your baby and would get so frustrated when Kylers mirroring what the books said. It made me feel like I didn't know what I was doing and that I was doing something wrong. What I learned was,  I was doing it wrong.... I was too fixated on what the books were saying that I was missing his cues. So, if you like to read and you are like me, do it but don't think that your doing something wrong if your baby isn't following your book of choice. To get Kyler on a schedule when he was ready, we took notes on his patterns for a couple weeks right before he was 3 months old and then implemented the schedule that he had started. This worked wonders and would highly recommend this.

2. Breastfeed if you can. This can be a difficult topic. Some woman want to do this so badly and it just doesn't work out for them and others are unsure about it. All is understandable. For me, it has been the best decision. The bond is truly incredible and what you are providing for the baby is even better. Plus you lose your baby weight so fast it is unreal! My advice is if you are struggling with breastfeeding, seek help. There are so many wonderful resources out there. Also,when my milk came in, I pumped every day in the morning to start my supply and then would feed Kyler after I pumped to help stimulate milk production. To this day he is almost 5 months old and I still have a great milk supply even with working. I also know I am very lucky, but pumping early seemed to help.

3. Plan ahead with pets. We had Jeff's parents bring home one of the blankets Kyler had been wrapped in and cut it in half so each dog had part of his blanket with his smell on it. This worked wonders. When we brought him home and introduced them, it was as if they were expecting him. During the prenancy, I would let them sniff my belly and sit with us in his room etc. We tried to make them a part of preparing for him. Seemed to help them adjust which was important to us.

Overall the best thing to remember is that you aren't perfect and you shouldn't expect yourself to be perfect. Believe in yourself as a mother and know in your heart that you know your baby and ultimately what is best for him/her. Cheers to motherhood!

Mama Said, V.4

Mama Said number four already? Wow! I love this feature so much, and I have so many more amazing women to share with all of you in the upcoming months. Awesome.

This week two wonderful women will be sharing some advice with all of us, and first up is the darling Drea, who is another fabulous single mommy with tons of amazing advice. Be sure to check out her blog and say hello! And then second we have a blogging pal of mine, Kristi! She is super sweet and her family is just lovely, so be sure to hop over and say hi to her as well! Thanks for participating in this feature ladies!

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After reading one of the latest *Mama Said* editions, featuring single mama Marcella, I immediately wrote in to Danielle wanting to add my own input on being a single mama, accepting help, and the possibilities of future love. &I’m so happy she said Yes! So, hello everyone! I’m Drea. I’m a (vegan) food snob, a crafter, an artist, a blogger (over at ohdeardrea), a life-lover, and most importantly: I am a very happy single mama to a beautiful little girl, Miss. Marlowe Paloma. Here’s a few (hopefully helpful) words I’d like to share with you...

IT IS HARD! VERY HARD. GET HELP!  Whether you are in a loving and wonderful relationship or completely alone: it is hard. As a very strong-willed and stubborn women I have always found it incredibly hard to ask for help. I now figure, once you’ve given birth and have had all your lady parts hanging out for people to see during labor... it is probably time to suck it up and put all pride aside. Take help where you can get it -- Seriously -- it’s okay! I promise. Look at it this way -- by putting your pride aside and taking in the help that is offered you are not only giving yourself some much needed help, but you are also providing for your child. We all need a little break or a little charity sometimes and a happy and healthy mama is the best kind of mama a baby can have! This brings me to...

LETTING THE LOVE IN. As hard and as difficult as it is being a single mom (or any mom)  it can also be the most amazing and loving experience one can have. Embrace the love that pregnancy and motherhood bring in. It’s easy to become bitter and angry when you find yourself struggling or alone, but just like needing help -- one also needs friends, family, and sometimes a lover who will support and love you unconditionally... through the spit up, the poop, and the tears (from both you and your baby).

WAIT, WHAT? A new romance after having a baby? Yes, it is possible. I’m living proof that love can come when you least expect it. Now -- I’m not saying all you single pregnant ladies or single new mamas should just go around picking up men... but, what I am saying is: when you are pregnant or have a child: your priorities change, your friendships change, and well, EVERYTHING changes, and you will have the opportunity to see who is really important in you and your child’s life. I started dating my boyfriend (Eric), when I was pregnant. I pushed him away for quite a while out of fear he would leave just like Marlowe’s father did. I didn’t want to deal with a broken heart along with a baby. (Also, who dates someone while being pregnant? Er... no one? But sometimes things happen and it works). I wanted to be alone and wanted to do everything on my own (this goes with letting the love in...), but finally after weeks of pushing him away, I let my guard down a bit and realized there are caring men out there who will stick with you through the thick and thin -- these are real men. This can happen when you least expect it or want it the least. This can happen freakishly and overwhelming fast (like in my case) or it can happen years down the road. Be cautious, but not excessively cautious where you let it slip by. Whether the biological father is in your life or not, your child will have a family. There are all types of families: big, small, mish-mashed, whatever, but the most important person in your child’s life is you and no one else. Some men are meant to be fathers and some men aren’t, so if your child’s father is not in the picture, then maybe that is for the better. Eventually motherhood becomes easier, romance will come, a family will grow, and happiness will be an almost constant feeling in your life. Just remember, life does go on and the most important thing you can do is be the strongest and most amazing mother and woman possible.

Side note: “Mama said there’ll be days like this” was my secret Facebook status notifying a few selected friends that I was going into labor <3

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Hi there, My name is Kristi.  I am a 26 year old, Married, stay at home Mama to a super handsome little nugget, Milo.  He will be 2 in April!  My Husband, Mercer works in the SF Bay area & we unfortunately live about 2 hours away from there.  He commutes daily which leaves Milo & I lots of time to hang out, have fun, & grow our Mama-Son bond even stronger!  Thanks for letting me hang out around here today, Danielle!

So here are three things that I've learned so far.  Believe me, there is a LOT of trial & error in raising a kiddo.  That's OK.

Not everything for child rearing is universal.  Just because something works for your friends daughter doesn't mean it's going to go the same way for your son, & vice-versa.  I learned that you have to be confident in your decisions as a parent.  Confidence is key, I think.  Being a parent is an entirely new ball game.  Never in my wildest dreams would I expect to be judged for having a necessary c-section, or sleep training my son.  But, it has happened, numerous times, & it doesn't bother me because I'm confident in the decisions we've made as parents, & we know that these decisions we've made over the past two years have really worked well for our family.  Your family is what's important.  Just remember that!  Confidence has been KEY for me in some awkward situations.  Older family members that have a few kids under their belt have tried to give advice to the "new parents".  Once I give my opinion about something, & they see that I'm super confident in what I'm saying...they back off! Nothing is more annoying than unwarranted advice giving!

Ketchup.  I've learned that Ketchup has been an important tool that was no where to be found on a baby registry, & that no one ever told me about.  Who knew that I could get my picky, almost two year old to eat any vegetable if we put a little Ketchup on it.  Seriously.  Sometimes you just have to find what works, and RUN with it. 

Enjoy it.  Sometimes parenting can be stressful to say the least.  But, that first year? SAVOR it.  You'll never get it back.  Nothing compares to it.  Nothing.   We're coming up on a second birthday over here & I find myself reminiscing about the first few months of Milo's life often.  I regret not being more present & appreciative of what was happening.  There were days when I just got everything "done" to make sure he was properly cared for but, was too tired to actually soak in his little newborn self. Nothing like snuggling close to a milk-drunk newborn. Before you know it, you'll blink your eyes & he will be bringing his cup to you asking for more milk. =(  I had a strong feeling of I had to do everything, I wouldn't let anyone help with anything. I wish I let people help me more.  If I let my friends do my laundry when they asked, or come cook me dinner, or watch Milo while I took a nap,  I might of had more time awake & feeling rested so I was more present as a Mama.  So, don't be afraid to accept a little help here & there.  It doesn't make you a bad parent.  I'll be taking my own advice on that one next time around.  -- This is kind of a tangent.  I'm trying to stick to three things but, this kinda falls into the asking for help category.  If you are raising your child with a partner or husband communication is very important.  I think as Mamas it's natural for us to take the reins & then get upset with our partner when they aren't reading our minds, or sleeping through a 3am feeding.  Sometimes we just need to speak up & tell them exactly what we need from them.  You'd be surprised how much that can help.  Guys are guys, sometimes they are just oblivious, they don't mean to upset us & they really do want to help! (most of them at least) They just might need a little nudge in the right direction.

Mama Said, V.3

Another Wednesday, another Mama Said feature! This week I'm excited to share words of wisdom from two of my favorite blogging mamas!  First up is a new friend of mine, Jessica. I adore this woman. It's an awesome thing when you meet a like-minded gal via the blog world who you just know you'd love to hang out with in real life. I'm sure many of you can relate to that awesome-ness- don't you just love it when that happens? Jessica is a great mama to her little darling, and I'm super excited to feature her here!

Hello readers! Jessica here- married to Derek and mama to our almost 4 month old Rowan. By day Derek’s a hard workin man and I’m a stay-at-home mama, by night we’re musicians, and currently we’re livin life in Hawaii and rockin our way through becoming new parents. You can read all about our adventures over at our blog, TART.

It was really lovely of Danielle to have us participate in this feature and though I’m no expert, I’m happy to share some of my tips and tricks with you guys.

Cocktail Anyone?

For those of you that like to enjoy a little cocktail now and then:
I know that most doctors will tell you that one glass of wine is totally safe for breastfeeding mamas to enjoy. But I also know that there are a lot of us that may not be 100% comfortable with that rule of thumb (and also might want to have a martini every once in a while instead). My #1 tip is to buy alcohol test strips like Milkscreen. There were a few times that I had a cocktail rather than wine but didn’t know if it was really necessary to “pump n dump” (what a waste!) so I tested a few drops of my breast milk on these strips and could rest assured that baby Rowan wasn’t enjoying a little happy hour herself.

 
When Lanolin Doesn’t Cut It

Many of you breastfeeding mamas know what it’s like to have a babe on the bewb all day long and maybe even the discomfort that can come with it. The thing I found most helpful during those times was to alternate bare-bewbin it and using a nipple shield. I’m no lactation expert so of course, consult with yours or your pediatrician before trying one out, especially if you’re still working on effortless breastfeeding with your little one! But once we had it down, our lactation consultant suggested alternating using a nipple shield every two feedings. We only used it during Rowan’s extra needy/hungry days and now we don’t use it at all. But during her cluster feeding phase I can’t tell you how much more comfortable it made our experience.


Give Yourself Credit

This one may seem really obvious but I don’t think Mama’s do it enough! In the beginning you’re so tired, overwhelmed, and maybe at times worried that you may not be doing something “right” or “enough.” When I was having a particularly rough day my cousin (a mama of 4 kiddos) reminded me that “as long as your baby has a dry bottom, food in her belly, catches some Z’s and gets lots of love you know you’re on the right track” and it really put things in perspective for me. Of course there are a lot more details to raising a child, and we all want to be informed, responsible, super parents. But, as with many things in life, it usually all comes down to a pretty simple formula. So don’t take the little things that you do for granted. In fact, give yourself an extra ridiculously insane amount of credit. You changed a poopy diap without getting any on your hands? AMAZING! So you got a little on your hands but you used a baby wipe to quickly swipe it off while you finished putting on the new diaper and all before your baby decided to pee all over the changing pad cover again? HIGH FIVE!
It may seem trivial but if you weren’t there to do it, who would be? Learning to acknowledge your small accomplishments makes you feel extra special for your big ones. It’s all about perspective. You’re doing amazing things even in the smallest of tasks and if you have a partner in all of this, make sure to let them know how amazing their help is too. It makes them feel just as good to know that the things they contribute are appreciated.  ;o)

So there ya have it folks! A few tips and tricks I’ve picked up since becoming a new mom. I hope some of you found this helpful and I can’t wait to read all of the other mamas’ tips as well!

XOXO- Jess

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Next up is a long-time blog pal of mine, the beautiful Marcella. I've been reading her blog since she was pregnant with little Pella, and it's been amazing to watch her pregnancy, and then see the first year of Ms. P.'s life unfold. Marce is a fabulous Mom, and now that I'm a mama as well, I only appreciate her single-Mom fabulous-ness that much more. Talk about inspiring. And to top it off, she's a business owner too. Seriously amazing.

Hello! My name is Marcella, I am  YES, a single working mama. To some, I'd be your "typical" tattooed white trash single mom who got knocked up by the milkman, but that is far FROM who I really am.  I have a newly 1 year old daughter Pella James, who is my mini me!  I was born and raised in Ventura County California, ventured off to Downtown Los Angeles for a year, and now am back in Ventura County.

I own a modern baby boutique, called DROOL, have a couple blogs I try and keep up with, and holding down a fort with 2 french bulldogs and a baby!

Anyways, heres my mama says!

Single Parenting HAPPENS! ...and when I say that I mean that! We all as women, track down the "ONE" the man we are determined to spend the rest of our lives with, grow old with, and YUP, reproduce with!

But for some of us, the pretty picture we paint in our heads with this "family" doesn't always end up working out as we imagined it too! You can spend years with someone (like I did, 6.5 to be exact) and things CAN change.

I see women everyday staying with these guys who do not benefit them at all because of the fear of being a "single parent". Well guess what, Single parenting happens!  People everyday make the best of it, co-parenting, or NOT co-parenting and STILL raise happy, healthy and beautiful children! Its DOABLE! Women are strong, and powerful beings! I wish every woman who has doubts or is having a hard time accepting being a single parent could know that it happens and YES we may envy all these cute little families we see all over, but we still are capable of being AMAZING Mama's!

Roll with the Punches. Single parenting  can be EXTREMELY CHALLENGING, probably one of the HARDEST things ever, its you and baby and or kid ALL DAY, EVERYDAY.  When us single parents need a break, its not often we are able to get that break we need! It can be exhausting, and sometimes feel like a black cloud is hovering over us...I the same could go for every and any mama, things happen, our babies get sick, baby has a poop blow out in the car and we "forgot the diaper bag!", baby vomits all in our hair, baby falls down and gets a boo-boo,we the mama god forbid GETS SICK!, bad things happen all the time, you just gotta roll with the punches!

LAUGH! Laughing is so very important to us mamas! We have to find humor in some of things that we could never bare to "laugh at". Laughing makes us feel good, and feel happy. Being happy is a key component to being raising a happy baby!

I went through hell the first 4 months of my daughters life, I had anger, resentment, stress, sleep deprivation, and postpartum depression. There were moments I should have laughed at or found humor, and excitement in that I just couldnt! We all go through tough times, we all have moments when all we want to scream in a pillow or break down and cry! If we could just get a good LAUGH!

Mama Said, V.2

 
First of all, thank you all so much for the wonderful feedback on this feature! It's great to know that you're excited about it too! And speaking of excited, I'm definitely pumped on this week's ladies. The first mama on the list is the author of one of my new favorite blogs and I'm really happy to feature her here. She's super sweet (and adorable too), and her daughter Charlie is one of the cutest little ladies I ever did see! So, here's Kristina!

Hello, everyone! I'm Kristina - a stay-at-home wife and mother. My husband, Stephan, is in the United States Marine Corps and together we are raising our sweet lady, Charlie, who is 9 months old, out in the Mojave Desert of Southern California while Stephan finishes his contract. In only a few short months we will be facing our first deployment and Charlie and I will be moving back home to Oklahoma! Until then (and beyond) I keep family and friends updated with our happenings over on my blog Like Wildflowers. Anyway, on to the tips and tricks!

1. Don't keep score. I'm sure I don't only speak for me and my husband when I say that one of us always feels like we're doing more than the other regarding parenting duties on a given day. Particularly if one parent is a stay-at-homer. But you can not keep score - nobody will ever win that way. It is a battle that's quickly exhausting and the finger pointing will never end if you let it… and let's be frank - the last thing you need as new parents is something else to exert your energy on. Parenting is a constant journey with sometimes chaotic ebbs and flows. There are always going to be days that you do more, and times that Daddy does more. Don't keep score. Just find a balance that works for your family. Be attentive to your partner's mood and feelings. Ask for alone time or help if you need it (After all, they can't read your mind. And I recommend a loooong shower!) and give them theirs when they are in need as well. Communication is key in making it work.

2. Young doesn't mean incapable. This is more-so something encouraging that I have to remind myself from time to time - and would like to tell some of you other young parents (and parents-to-be) that need to hear it. A lot of people were surprised to find out that not only had we gotten pregnant young (Stephan was 20, I was 21 - we're now 22 and 23) but that we had been trying and were excited. In other words, Charlie wasn't a "surprise baby". And I'm often told how impressed people are with me for being a "young" mom. As if all young parents can be expected to do an awful job. Whether they mean to do it or not… the message is sometimes loud and clear that the majority of people considered us "too young" and over time - before Charlie was born - they had scared me. Their worries became my worries. I had bought into the idea that maybe we were too young and destined to fail. Should we have waited? Would a few more years of wisdom make the world of difference? What if we screw up this baby?! I'm going to be a horrible mom! And not only were we young.. we are all alone. With Stephan being in the military we are living across the country from our family and friends. We have nobody here to help or lean on. Nobody to give us a break or a hand if we ever felt like we needed it or found ourselves in a pickle. No babysitters. No date nights. No anything. And even more: Stephan is gone for work.. a lot. I would be by myself more times than not most weeks and now my head was filled with self-doubt. I remember when my family came up for Charlie's birth. Their last night here I laid awake in bed, crying, asking Stephan if he was scared about my family leaving and it only being us - first time, inexperienced parents - with this tiny, fragile new baby that is now our responsibility and fully reliant upon us for.. everything. And he wasn't. He wasn't scared. He knew we could do it - and we are. As time passed by, I realized how right my husband and heart had been. Just because some of them couldn't have raised a baby at our age - doesn't mean that we couldn't. We have our priorities straight and took the decision to have a baby very seriously. We were prepared for the work that we knew would be hard and the sacrifices we knew we'd have to make. And we are doing a great job without a stitch of outside help beyond encouraging words from back home. So, other young parents that also might feel a bit under the microscope or harboring any self-doubt… Be confident. Listen to your gut. Trust yourself. There are times that will be difficult and challenge you to your core, but you can do it. Young doesn't mean incapable.

3. There will be poop. Lots and lots of poop. Lastly, and on a very serious note, is how to navigate the disaster of Massive Blowouts. It's nearly a given in this house that at least once a week Charlie will have the kind of blowout that legends are made of. I have learned the hard way that if some of these "loads" aren't handled correctly that once I think the job is done I will turn around only to miraculously find that poop has found its way on to the floor, walls, ceiling, and furniture; on my clothes, in my hair, on the dog… the neighbor's dog… you name it, poop is probably smeared (and stained) on it no hard how hard I tried to contain it. Now, through trial and error - this is what we have found works for us in the most desperate of circumstances.

 - Take your little bundle of joy into the bathroom where the poop can be contained in an area that is mostly easy to clean and poop is to be expected. Start running some bath water in the tub, but don't close the drain.

 - If there is poop caked onto her clothes (particularly  if it's on the front or sides of a onesie that only buttons between the legs) then we just cut it off. I don't care how cute it is… it isn't worth trying to stretch it over her head and risk her eating a poop sandwich. When we cut the onesie off we use a small pair of scissors and start at the neck and cut downwards (so the "pointy" end of the scissors are pointing away from her). Also, it should go without saying to cut slow and carefully and away from your baby! If you're not comfortable with this then you can always just cut a small piece and then rip the rest Hulk-style.

 - Use a wipe or two to remove any major chunks and then move baby into the bath. Hold their little rear end under the running water and rinse it clean! And, if it's time for a bath anyway we go ahead and give her a head to toe wash down. If not, then just the rinse will do.

You might think that going through the process of washing in the tub is more of a hassle than wiping clean… but it's not. Not with Charlie, at least!  If only someone had told me sooner… I can't tell you how much money on wipes and stain remover we've saved since going to the rinse method.

Anyway, There you have it. Three things I wish someone would have told me before Charlie was born. Thank you so much, Danielle, for letting me share a few little nuggets in your feature! I had a lot of fun writing these.

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Next we are featuring one of my darling friends who also happens to be one of my FAVORITE people in the entire world, Emily! Emily is someone who was a wealth of knowledge for me throughout my pregnancy (and pretty much all other times too).  I can't even tell you how valuable her long, detailed emails were on everything from the birthing process to what must-have items I did or didn't need. She's a great friend, a great mama, and is even kinda-sorta soon to be family, as she becomes sister-in-laws with one of my dearest friends Shirley. So awesome.  Emily is a busy work-at-home Mom who does blog, but keeps it private. Sad for all of you, because Em is an amazing writer...although let's hope that maybe one day she'll open it up to the world! But until then, we can all enjoy her words of wisdom here.

Zack and I have been married almost 6 years, and are parents to an crazy fun 20-month-old little girl named Camryn and a baby boy named Maxon who is due this April. We run a promotional marketing company and a PR consulting biz from our home in Tempe, which we could never do without the help of our awesome moms who each watch Camryn a day a week. Working from home with a toddler is kind of like running a circus, but we are so thankful for the chaos we call our life!

1. Never say never. Before I began this motherhood journey, I was guilty of presupposing all of the things I would do as a parent. Or rather, the things I would NEVER do: "I will never be that mom with the unruly toddler at the restaurant." "My kid will never take a pacifier once she's old enough to walk." "I will never turn on the boob tube to keep my daughter occupied while I check email." Well guess what? I have done all of those things and sooo many more, and we've both lived to tell about it! :) One of the lessons I learned early-on is that motherhood is hard enough without the added pressure of unrealistic expectations. I have learned to pick my battles, do the best I can, and cut myself some slack when I deviate from my best-laid plans.

2. This too shall pass. My mom has often given me this simple advice, and now that I'm a mom, I see the wisdom in her words. Young children experience countless phases: learning to walk, eat table food, sleep through the night. In hindsight, the phases pass SO quickly, but when you're in the thick of them, the tough ones can seem endless. For example, during the sleepless early months, it's easy to feel the walls closing in and to think, "I am never going to sleep again, and I am going to have a baby attached to my boob for the rest of my life." But slowly, the nights start to include more sleep, and before you know it, you're sleeping through the night and all is right in the world. EVERY phase has a start and an end. I plan to ask my mom to remind me of this when Camryn enters puberty. :-)

3. 'Mom friends' are a precious resource. There are thousands (millions?) of books and web sites about fertility, pregnancy and parenting, but in all of my formal research, I have found no resource more accurate or reliable than my mom friends. I have never seen a book that covers subjects such as: "is it normal to eat an entire bag of goldfish crackers while I nervously wait for my daughter to soothe herself to sleep?" But I have asked my mom friends questions like this on countless occasions. And without exception, they assure me that I'm perfectly normal. And that I'm a good mom, and that Camryn will be fine. I truly don't know what I would do without my mom friends, and I am so thankful for the blogosphere and technology that allow us to readily support each other!

Mama Said, V.1

Welcome to a new feature series here on Sometimes Sweet that will run through the next few months on Wednesdays, in addition to my regular posts for the day.  "Mama Said" is something very special to me, and when I thought about creating a special feature just for Moms, I went back and forth through a couple of ideas. Eventually I decided to follow through with the first idea that came to me- good, old-fashioned words of wisdom! Since becoming a new parent, I realize that although I had read all the books, and done all the research, it didn't help me as much as the advice I received from my fellow mama-friends that I knew and respected. And now, I find myself loving to hear about other parents' experiences and taking ideas and inspiration from everything I hear. We do things our own way, but it is always so nice to hear from other Moms on what works for them, and what doesn't. So, what better way to honor the Mothers in our community than by taking part in an exchange of experiences, ideas, and thoughts! Throughout the following weeks many Moms from our blogging world will be sharing bits and pieces of their own "Mommy wisdom" with all of us. Whether you are a Mom yourself or not, I hope you enjoy reading a bit more about what these women have learned in their time as parents! I'm so excited to finally share this little project with all of you, and I look forward to bringing you a diverse group of women over the next couple of months. We'll be hearing all sorts of words of wisdom, from the simple to the complex, the serious to the silly...so I hope you enjoy!

The very first featured mama is one of my favorite ladies- Jen, of Jenloveskev. 

Hi Everyone! It's Jen from Jenloveskev. I was honored when Danielle asked me to be a part of this special blog feature. I am new to this Mommy club.  My husband Kev and I welcomed our first baby into the world (9 days late) on September 12th 2010. Our daughter Rowan Winter is the most perfect and amazing little addition to our family. She instantly captured our hearts. I was a high school art teacher until the end of last school year. Now, I am a full time fashion and lifestyle blogger and stay at home mom. I love being creative on a daily basis with fashion, cooking, art or photography.

I can't help but sing the song "Mama said there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this my mama said..." I love that song. I thought a lot about what advice or wisdom I wanted to give to everyone and really it all came down to was this for me...

1. Stop taking people's advice. One of my close friends told me this when I was pregnant and I didn't quite understand when she told me but you will learn. Being pregnant and becoming a parent has got to be one of the most political things out there. Everyone will have an opinion about everything. It is very hard to not doubt everything you think is right. So listen to what everyone has to say but take it with a grain of salt. You will figure out what will be best for your family. This leads to me to number two...

2. TRUST YOURSELF! I think I really started to enjoy being a mom when I closed all the books and I stopped letting everyone's advice bother me and I just started living life with Rowan and Kev. I started to trust my instincts. I knew my family and I knew my daughter and ultimately I would make the best decision for them. No, I don't know all the answers and yes, I still ask questions but I feel good about coming to my own conclusions. If they are wrong then I learn from them and move on.  As a mom you are a lot stronger than you will give yourself credit for. Moms are superheros!!

3. Don't feel guilty for having bad days, for being tired or for having thoughts about how things are hard. I feel like our country has conditioned us to hide our feelings when we become parents. That we have to express that everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time. I love my daughter more than anything in life but that doesn't mean that it is easy. I think it is super important to find a friend who has gone through it all and who will be honest about the struggles and will lend an ear to you. It helps to feel like you are not alone. Being a parent the most challenging and rewarding thing in life and its nice to have a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with you over a similar situation.

Our second featured mama is the lovely, lovely Brandy from Baby Blackbird.

Our small, happy, little family of four is from Toronto, Canada. We do everything together, literally, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been sans kids {but I wouldn’t change it for anything}. By default {my husband and kids really have no choice} we love style and clothes, I write a fashion blog for kids where I share my knowledge and love for kiddos and style. I love my little family more then words could ever describe, and am so very thankful everyday, to have found my wonderful husband, Chris and that I get to be a Mom to two amazing, and sweet littles. Our son Kingston is 2 years old and baby girl Harlow is 7 Months Old (8 months in 3 weeks).

1: Plan but don’t Expect: I know, it sounds so pointless and defeating. But without a daily plan {I usually either plan things out in my head or on my blackberry the night before}, I would have a hard time getting anything done. With kids the day sort of just fly’s by, if your not paying attention.
But along with every daily plan, I fully expect that it will fall through {the full day plan or just parts of it}, this way there is no disappointment, frustration, or feeling like we didn’t get anything accomplished. You just never know with kids, when someone; might get sick, starting teething, throw a giant tantrum, decide to skip their nap or have a mandatory bath poop!

2: Expect the Worst: Negative thinking? Not at all! I found/find that if you listen to other parents horror stories {and there is a lot out there!}. When you get to whatever the stage, wither it be giving birth itself, teething, the terrible twos, or the giant lack of sleep we Mom’s get. It’s usually {not always the case} not as bad as you expected {or heard}. Basically if you expect the worst, you’re usually over prepared, which can give you loads of confidence, and just have you feeling great.

3: Keep Calm: Kids can wind us up and spit us out if we let them. They have endless amounts of energy, especially when it comes to tantrums or grumpy times. Try your hardest {I have a hard time with this everyday} to stay calm. I find the more upset, stressed or frustrated I get, so does my toddler.  Which makes any situation SO much worse. During the most frustrating and crazy times, take a deep breath, and picture a shiny happy kid, falling asleep, and a nice glass of wine waiting for you after they are sawing logs. Even the crazy times are special with kids, even though in the moment you’re just wishing for it to be over!

And just a tiny, little extra piece of wisdom:

4: Keep Everything: Baby stuff is expensive. Don’t get rid of it! Pack up the clothes, and the plethora of plastic gear. Trust me you never know when a second, third or even fourth little joy might arrive! And you will kick yourself if you have to spend more money on gear you will only use for a short period of time.

Thank you SO much ladies for being part of the very first Mama Said feature! Until next week...