Fallacies

I don't want to talk about Anthony Weiner. The man has gotten more than his fair share of press already, and the reports of his tasteless social media interactions make me queasy. However, I do want to talk about his wife, and what some of the comments I've seen floating around in the interwebs about her say about our society's feelings towards women.

This discussion isn't just about Huma Abedin. Inevitably when any high profile man gets caught in some sort of bad behavior that humiliates his spouse*, the talk eventually turns to how beautiful the betrayed wife is or isn't (Tiger Woods is another recent example). Huma Abedin is gorgeous, leading the online community to cry out, "How could he do this to her? She's hot!!" And this is the sort of talk that gets under my skin.

Why is so much emphasis placed on the wife's looks? If she were ugly would his behavior have been more acceptable? If she were merely ordinary-looking would it have made her somehow more deserving of being humiliated and betrayed? Her worth as a human being and her value as a wife are not dependent upon her looks, any more than a misbehaving man's looks are tied to some sort of sliding scale that determines how outraged people ought to be about his behavior.

Whether you feel that Weiner's actions were completely reprehensible or that they merely demonstrated a lack of judgment and incredibly poor taste is beside the point of this discussion. The part of the story that disturbs me is when people focus on the wife's looks as if they're something that needs to be accounted for in the body of evidence.

The other fallacy I've noticed in the online discourse is more subtle: the underlying expectation that beautiful women are supposed to be immune to the hardships of life, that they don't get manipulated and lied to and have their hearts broken just like everybody else. That if you're hot and your husband sexted someone else, then you must be a nagging, overbearing shrew because beautiful women don't get cheated on unless there's something really, really wrong with them. Being beautiful does not endow women with a superhuman ability to detect cheaters; it does not prevent them from falling in love with the wrong person or making bad choices; it does not mean that their spouses will love them more or treat them better.

Beautiful women get betrayed for exactly the same reason that other women do: they get involved with men who are liars and cheats. And that sort of man will lie to and cheat on whoever he's with, no matter what she looks like. A man is either a good man, or he's not; what ultimately saves women from the bad ones is discernment, strength, a belief in one's self, maybe even a little bit of luck. Often these things have to be acquired the hard way, too; beauty may bring other advantages in life, but it won't help in this arena.

Huma Abedin is beautiful. But bringing her beauty into the discussion of her husband's behavior is disrespectful to her as a wife and a woman. Beauty will not help her handle this situation; only her character will.

I'd love to hear your comments. And hey look, I wore clothes today too!

Top: Forever 21
Jeans: Level 99
Bracelet: Nicole Miller
Boots: Jo Ghost

*ETA: I didn't mean to make this a hetero-exclusive discussion; obviously people get hurt in same-sex relationships also, just as wives can sometimes treat husbands badly. But when we're talking about a powerful, high profile person doing something shitty to their spouse, 9 times out of 10 it's a straight man doing it to his wife.

Oblong Inflated Spheroid

Disclaimer: the rest of the text in this post has nothing at all to do with the outfit. I tried and tried to write something interesting about it, but finally had to call uncle. It was just a casual Friday outfit, after all. Here are the details in case you're pressed for time or are otherwise disinclined to read my random rant of the day:


Tunic: thrifted
Harness: Audra Jean
Bangles: Amrita Singh (via Gilt)
Jeans: Diesel (via Gilt)
Boots: All Black










Over the weekend I realized why I cannot watch American football. I always figured it had mainly to do with the fact that the players spend most of their time just standing around on the sidelines. That, and the way the players' butts look catastrophically bad in those gross shiny pants with the weird seams on either side of the crack. The uniforms look like a skintight, disco version of a union suit.

 Dude, you've got way worse problems than the concussion you're about to get;

pimps in 1975 looked hotter in their spandex pants than you.

But in fact I don't think it's either of those things at all; my general loathing of football comes down to two annoying little occurrences that just plain bug the crap out of me.

One is how the calls are communicated. Now in hockey, when a call is made the referee gives you three important pieces of information: who is being penalized, for how many minutes, and what the penalty is for (usually in one to three words). That's it; no more, no less. "Number 64, 2 minutes for high sticking." Fine, now let's get on with the game. But in football the explanation might take several minutes, and frankly I don't have the patience to hear the entire rationale behind a convoluted call pulled from some obscure rule, whose source can only be found by poring over a tome that's undoubtedly equivalent in mass to the entire Encyclopedia Britannica series.

 Easier to interpret than the rules of football.

What's worse is that the majority of the referee's monologue typically isn't even the call at all, but a recap of what just happened. Look buddy, I just sat here for 10 minutes of deliberation, watching the players wander around spitting and readjusting their crotches; cut to the chase, would you?

The other thing that really gets under my skin is the commentators, who insist on using the word, "football" in their descriptions of the action, as in, "He ran the football into the end zone." Now I may not even begin to understand the intricacies of the game, but even a blockhead like me knows what kind of a ball they're playing with. Obviously if I'm WATCHING FOOTBALL, then the object they're throwing around (when they can be bothered to get out on the field)  is simply the ball. Is that extra syllable really going to fill up a significant amount of airtime when you've got nothing clever to say? I didn't think so.

 

Clearly they were never told that silence is golden.

I understand the desire to spice up the language and make the commentary more interesting, but this is not the way. In hockey they might call the puck a biscuit, or simply the puck, but you'll never hear them say, "Marleau shot the hockey puck from the blue line." Why? Because it sounds stupid, that's why. Get some new words, football announcers; even calling it an 'oblong inflated spheroid' would be better than football.

It's sort of like that annoying sound, faint though it may be, that once perceived is impossible to ignore. A distant barking dog or crying baby, perhaps. And now that I've taken note of the lengthy soliloquies of the refs and the irritating overuse of the word "football," my utter disdain for the entire sport has crystallized. I do, however, occasionally enjoy hearing about how a player's head was "on a swivel." Perhaps there's hope for me yet.

Customer Service

This morning on my way to work I stopped to fill up my tank, and I noticed for the umpteenth time that approximately half the pumps at the gas station were out of order. And I started to think about how the quality of service in general continues to decline in many industries, and how pissed off I am about it, and what I intend to do about it.

The gas station scenario is a common one for me; either the pumps are down or the receipt printer is out of paper or the credit card reader is malfunctioning or there's no fluid to clean your windshield with. Remember when the attendants used to come out and clean your windshield for you? Now they can't even be bothered to fill up the fucking bucket a couple of times a day. And yet the prices still continue to creep up, including the extra fees they tack on for using a credit card, which many people don't even realize they're paying.

Gas stations are merely one example, but I think they're a reasonable indicator of the decline in customer service at large. And the fact is, we do not have to put up with this. There are many entities out there competing for our money, and starting today I'm going to be a lot more vigilant about where and how I spend mine. These are some of the things that are important to me:

• I expect a business to be neat and tidy, well stocked, and fully functioning when I arrive. Any place of business that does not consistently meet this standard will never get my business again. I can overlook a rare occurrence, but if every other time I show up I can't get what I need or the place is a disorganized mess, it's over. If it means going out of my way or paying slightly more somewhere else, I'm prepared to do so. 

• Poor customer service will not be tolerated, ever. I don't care how good the food is at a restaurant, how cute the clothes are, or how low the airfare is, if I'm treated poorly I will never patronise that business again. I expect salespeople and servers to be courteous, to do their utmost to make me happy if there's a problem, and to thank me for my business. I expect returns to be made under reasonable circumstances and not to be unfairly charged for things that are not my fault.

• I expect people to be knowledgeable about the things they sell or the services they offer. If I hop into a cab, I expect the driver to know how to get to my destination without me having to explain it in detail, or they're not getting a tip. If I'm shopping for wine, I expect the merchant to be able to give me some recommendations based on my tastes, or else I'll shop somewhere else. 

• If I feel I've been treated unfairly I resolve to write to the company or contact a manager and at the very least communicate my dissatisfaction. I have let far too many things slide in the past and have not taken companies to task when I really should have. Hardly anyone ever takes the time to really follow up on a complaint, but it can make a huge difference if the right person hears your message. Someday I should tell you the story of the shameful way my financial institution treated me when I had my wallet stolen in Rome; I still kick myself for not writing that letter as soon as I got back. The bitch blamed ME for getting pickpocketed, if you can believe it.

• Wherever possible I want to try to deal with smaller, independent businesses where the customer still has influence. With our Etsy shop, Mark and I work really hard to make sure each and every person is taken care of, and I want to do business with other like-minded people. And sure, just because a business is large doesn't mean they don't care about the customer, but I think among smaller businesses you're more likely to find a level of commitment to customer satisfaction that can be difficult to maintain as a business grows. From here on out the smaller boutiques, the sellers on Etsy, and of course the businesses that have treated me well in the past will be my first stop when I'm shopping for something.

What are your thoughts about the quality of customer service in general? Have you ever written to a company with a complaint, and what was the outcome? What have you put up with that you wish you hadn't? In what other ways can we take a stand and demand more for our money?

Today's outfit:
Dress: thrifted
Skirt: unknown
Belt: Urban Outfitters
Shoes: Camper

Rantings of a Flakey Blogger

I've been a flakey blogger, reader, and commenter lately. First there was the big move, and before I could even get fully recovered from that, all sorts of other stuff started happening. Once the dust settles I'll fill you in on all the details, but for now just imagine several of the major life events happening simultaneously; that's my life at the moment. For the record though, I am NOT pregnant. And NEVER will be. Yesterday's reader question was most definitely made on behalf of someone other than myself!

Since I'm on that subject, allow me to share something that really gets under my skin*. I'll start by saying that I am child-free by choice, and in fact I've known pretty much since I was a child myself that kids just weren't my thing. For years I've put up with random people, some of whom barely know me, lecturing me on how I'll change my mind. I've put up with new parents insinuating about all the wonderousness I'm missing out on and how a woman really isn't a woman until she's a mother. I've even put up with doctors who flat out refused to consider giving me a tubal ligation, and one who even told me he would require my then-husband's PERMISSION to get one. I wish I were kidding.

What I will NOT put up with, however, is the parents who say things like this: "Oh, it must be nice to be able to go out to dinner" or, "Gee, it must be nice to treat yourself to new clothes and a pedicure." Yes, in fact it IS nice. But it's not like this was some big secret that the rest of the world hid from prospective parents, and frankly it's not my fault that other people made choices in life that required certain sacrifices which perhaps they weren't prepared for.

The implication in statements like these is that I chose my path simply for selfish, frivolous indulgences such as pedicures or a new pair of shoes, and that because I shirked the important job of parenting, I have time for silly pleasures. And that implication really pisses me off. I chose not to have children for a variety of very personal and very well-considered reasons. That I also get to enjoy my free time and indulge in some of the finer things in life is great too, but if I'd had a real drive to have children, none of those things would've mattered; I'd have made the appropriate sacrifices and not whined about it to people who didn't. We all make our own choices in life, and we should be supportive of each other regardless of how those choices might be different from our own. Not having children comes with its own set of sacrifices too, not the least of which is a general lack of understanding from the rest of the world.

Living child-free means living in the minority. And it takes a certain bravery and self-awareness to willingly put yourself there, to be sure. So just as we can admire the women who are loving, committed mothers (and I do!), so should we admire and support the women who choose a different path. Us non-mothers have plenty to offer the world too, besides just buying up its shoes.

Today's outfit:
Top: La Redoute
Jacket: Tulle
Green slip: All Saints
Skirt: LA Made
Shoes: John Fluevog

*Please note, this post is not in any way related to yesterdays' reader question or in fact to anyone who comments on this blog, it was just something that's been on my mind lately and which I was reminded of by all the talk about pregnancy.