Now I knew right from the start that the object of my affection did not reciprocate my feelings. How did I know? Well, because my heart's desire also came with the hefty price tag of $574.95, and if he'd really cared for me he would have made himself affordable. I didn't care though; I was smitten.
I turned to Jess for help, and she talked me down from what would have been an ill-timed splurge with two words: "Argentinian leather." Relieved, I vowed to forget about my darling until I'd had a chance to play the field a little bit and see if a better match turned up, one that was economically available. But try as I might, I didn't find anything in Argentina that cured me of my affliction, and I returned even more intent on making this rash purchase. Mark couldn't believe I was even seriously considering it. Jess thought I was completely mad. Neighbors shunned me, children ran from me in fear (ok, maybe they already did that before).
But then suddenly, just like in a fairy tale, an even more dashing paramour appeared and stole my heart, for a (comparatively) mere $257.95:
So where is this greater, better, and considerably cheaper love today, you ask? That's right, sitting in my closet in silent reproach, as day after day I try in vain to consummate our relationship, only to be foiled by my still aching toe. Cue the violins.
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